The South can be a rude and cruel place sometimes ... especially when you throw the grounds of religion in there. I'm not saying all places, but some. The little tight-nit communities where everyone knows everyone's business can turn ugly if you are an outsider trying to find a place where you feel welcomed. I have been to churches that as soon as you leave the doors, folks are talking smack! That's not my main focus in the blog post, so let's move away from that - I just wanted to state a point about the days and times we live in.
I have never felt like I belonged. Anywhere. Especially not church. I'm often times shotty-at-the-mouth towards my husband and son. I say things I don't mean. A lot of times I think this world would be a better place without me. I feel alone a lot. I feel like people don't love me. I feel like I'm the ultimate butt-of-all jokes. I think I have spent a good chunk of my life feeling worthless! Everything I have ever poured my heart into eventually gets stripped away from me. I guess you can say my life has been a bunch of bad luck situations.
I do feel, at times, that God is trying to pull me towards something good. I have tried to follow the Bible, but I just don't understand it. I have tried to love without resentment and trust in good things only to find the bad. That's not God's fault though. That's just our world and that mean ole devil I speak of so much. He doesn't want to lead us like God does - he pushes us into the fire. Some of us he has to drag kicking and screaming. Me, though, I think he smiles and I'm so weak and leery that I instantly fall in love with the idea that whatever sin he is placing in front of me is the right answer. I think it holds the truth so I veer off my path, and eventually, I hit the wall ... HARD!
I always listen to a local country radio station in the mornings when I take Logan to school. Monday morning, a powerful message was being broadcast via The Today Show. It was Kathy Lee Gifford talking about the passing of her husband, Frank, and all the things he loved about life. She spoke of his upbringing and how his love for God was a love like no other. She also talked about his stone and how his life was forever changed once this stone came into his life.
I urge you to please watch the video below. I was so fortunate to find the segment from The Today Show online via YouTube and be able to share it with the world via my blog! It's really powerful stuff y'all! Just please, watch it all the way to the end, and you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about.
My life may be far from perfect, and I'm not quite sure what all God has in store for me; but I can tell you this, I do have one love and one passion that surpasses most others in my life. I don't quite know if this is my only stone, but I do know my heart smiles when I think about throwing my stone as hard as I can and impacting lives in the process.
You see, I'm a Leader. Not your normal everyday business leader. I'm a Cubmaster and Summer Camp Director through the Boy Scouts of America. My husband and I run our local Cub Scout Pack here in our hometown. This is one of the only things in my life I have ever really been able to pour my heart into without getting ridiculed or told I just don't fit in. I have parents actually tell me that I do a good job. I have kids eager to come back and want to learn. I have friendships that mean more to me that some I grew up around my entire life. I have a purpose, and it is to teach little ones that they are important ... that they do matter ... that life is a great big ole place and they should enjoy it! Yeah, Cub Scouting is a lot of camping and trips and tons of other things, but it is also deeply rooted in loving yourself and standing up for yourself. I have the ability to teach boys (and girls considering our meetings are family based) that they are all self-confident, good-hearted leaders. I have the ability to change their world and change my own too.
Like I said, this might not be my only stone ... but I'm good with starting here! I plan to throw it and throw it well into molding as many young minds as I can. I love working with children, and I honestly cannot think of a better place to exhaust myself ... well, other than learning more about God and the Good Book obviously.
I'll share more soon :)
But for now, I think this is a pretty swell place to start :)
Talk with everyone tomorrow!